I've Just Missed You So
by pieces-of-jade
Summary: Final companion piece to "If You Ever Come Back" and "The 5th of April"  but it can also stand alone .  Freya watches over Merlin from afar.  No foul language, etc.  BBC owns all rights.


A Merlin/Freya one-shot that can either stand alone or be a companion piece to "If You Ever Come Back" and "The 5th of April". Personally, I see it as more of a stand-alone piece which makes allusions to the other two fics. Please tell me your thoughts on it afterwards, if you have time, as this particular story had subject matter and emotions which were really challenging for me to write :)

_-Three Years Ago-_

_Merlin puttered about the room. He had made sure that a spare key was under his doormat, and closed the door behind himself, carefully leaving it on the latch just in case someone needed to come in. He went over to the fire, and adjusted the kettle over the flames to make sure it was being properly heated. The table was set for two-there were two chairs positioned across from each other, and two mugs sitting on the surface. Lastly, the warlock moved over to the window and lit a candle that was on the sill. He positioned it ever so slightly closer to the window, and watched as its light shone brightly through the glass._

"_Just in case," he murmured._

_-Two Years Ago-_

"_Why don't you ever settle down?" Arthur laughed, clapping the court sorcerer on his back, "You're an eligible chap. And being with Gwen has made me realize how lucky I am. I just wish that you could have that."_

_He and Merlin were sitting at a table together in Arthur's chambers, eating some sort of meal together alone. It was clearly one of the rare times both of them had to relax, and the conversation had turned to marriage and family. From the look of it, Arthur was trying to be a sincere friend, but Merlin was shifting awkwardly in his chair. He was clearly uncomfortable with the current topic of conversation._

_So he quickly laughed, and brushed off Arthur's somewhat heart-felt remark with a quick retort, "Who would ever want to marry me?"_

_Arthur looked slightly offended, but he brushed it off and motioned to the table's contents, hoping to change the awkward topic quickly._

"_Alright, I give. Would you like some strawberries?" he asked._

_Merlin stiffly straightened his back, and said in a clipped tone, "No, thank you."_

"_What's the matter? I thought you loved strawberries?"_

"_I used to. A long time ago."_

_-One Year Ago -_

_King Arthur was holding another feast in the honor of something or other. He and his queen were sitting at the center of the banquet table, and he was watching the raven haired man on his right closely. There was a line of women who were parading past the court sorcerer and the royals. They were all dressed in their best attire, and came from a variety of backgrounds. Each one knew that Merlin was second to none (except perhaps Gwen) for influencing the king. And, as Merlin's significant other, they would influence him. Some of them wanted to gain this power for themselves (after all, some of the noblewomen would never have been caught dead fraternizing with a former servant otherwise). Others genuinely liked the large eared warlock. They all knew that if they genuinely won the heart of Merlin they would never find a more devoted, tender, and loyal lover. However, all of their eye batting and figure turning seemed to be in vain for although Merlin smiled politely at each and every one, he had a faraway look in his eyes, as if he could see something that no one else could._

_Arthur nudged Merlin as a particularly pretty girl walked by. She had soft blonde hair and startlingly sky blue eyes. Her pale blue dress accentuated her eyes further, along with her slender waist and pale skin. She smiled bashfully up at the warlock and king through her long lashes._

_Merlin slightly jolted upright at Arthur's subtle shove, and straightened up in his hair. His eyes momentarily focused upon the fair beauty before him._

"_Hallo," Merlin greeted warmly, although a hint of exhaustion was behind his words, "I'm Merlin. And you are?"_

"_Lady Alexandra, daughter of Sir Timothy," she replied softly._

"_Pleased to make your acquaintance," Merlin smiled. Yet the tone of his voice had a hint of finality, as if it was her time to go._

_With a final curtsey, Alexandra left, and Merlin's eyes glossed over once more. Arthur never noticed._

All of these events had appeared on the surface of the lake when they happened. As the Lady of the Lake, she could never leave the water. However, she had the power to see what was happening outside her realm in the reflection of its surface. It would show her whatever she desired to see-and all she ever wanted to see was Merlin. Everything about him and his life in Camelot.

Very early on, she had noticed how Merlin had a habit of putting a kettle on, making sure his door was unlatched, and leaving a candle burning throughout the night. It was like a beacon of hope meant, she was sure of it, just for her.

She had observed how Merlin quickly avoided Arthur's question of marriage, and knew it had something to do with her. Despite the fact that they hadn't seen each other in years, the love between them burned as bright as ever-she was sure of it. She could feel the power of it deep within her core. She knew that the warlock had never told anyone other than Gaius about her, and that the old man was dead. This last secret was special now-just for him and her.

And she saw how he never ate strawberries anymore. He avoided the fruit like the plague, yet she knew that he had a small garden dedicated to them in a secret courtyard in the palace. He went there and tended them lovingly every day. And up they would grow upon vines that had magically been transformed to twist themselves into the shape of her name.

Then, when the women came in their flocks, the jealousy coursing through her veins quickly became apparent. When all of those girls paraded past Merlin the waves upon the lake raged about as if in the middle of a horrific storm. The Lady knew that she had no right to feel the amount of animosity she did towards those girls, but she couldn't help it. None of them were good enough for her dark haired, blue eyed lover. He was too kind, too gentle, too compassionate-too loyal, brave, smart, sweet, and wonderful for any of them. None of them could ever deserve a man like him. However, she noticed that Merlin never paid attention to any of those girls until Arthur had brought him back to reality for a few moments. How could she not notice that he never met any of their gaze when his attention was directed straight at her? It was like he knew that she was watching him through the magical means of her lake, and he was staring back into the depths of her soul. His eyes conveyed all of the warmth and love she knew that he possessed, but there was also something else in them. There was an immense sadness and longing that would not be banished from their depths. And she knew why it was there. It was because of her. And only she could wash it away.

She felt guilty for spying on Merlin like she did, but she couldn't help it. Instinctively, she knew that he knew she was watching him. Yet, they also both knew that she could never leave her watery prison.

Although, it wasn't as if she couldn't appear above the surface of the lake. In fact, he had tried to summon her from the water's depths for many years, but she had never responded. He couldn't know that although his power was unsurpassed, when it came to the lake it was _her _power which had the final word. And she didn't want to be summoned. Not yet.

It wasn't as if she didn't want to desperately see him. She wanted that more than anything. But she also knew that if Merlin and she reunited it would cause trouble. If he saw that she was still relatively alive and well, he would stop at nothing to be with her. Since she couldn't leave the lake, that either meant that he would live on the shores by her, or else travel to the ends of the earth and back to see if he could release her. Both outcomes held no future good for the fate of Camelot. Merlin was needed by Arthur's side to maintain the beautiful Albion they had built. Furthermore, Merlin had an amazing life at the castle, and the Lady didn't want to ruin any of it. It broke her heart to keep away from Merlin-she wanted nothing more than to leap into his embrace-but she had to remain strong, and keep her desires in check. For she knew that what she wanted was nothing in comparison to the greater good of all the people in Arthur's realm.

Yet despite all of her self-restraint, she couldn't help but comfort him in some small way. She knew that he was hurting-he visited her lake every year to prove it. So to help him, she tried to put as much of her love for Merlin as she could into the water itself. It took her the entire day to transfer her emotions _into_ the waters that she ruled over, but it was worth it. It was worth it to see Merlin put his warm fingers into her cool water's depths. When he did so, she saw a smile form upon his face, and the creases on his brow lessen ever so slightly. She felt like he was holding her hand again, and she hoped that he had felt the same. The Lady of the Lake had done this every April 5th for the past seven years since her death. But all of that had changed.

_-Last Night-_

"_What was her name?" Arthur asked._

"_Freya," Merlin whispered._

_His hand never left the water all night. Had he noticed, he would've realized that his hand never became wrinkly despite soaking in the crystal liquid for hours. In fact, when he withdrew it from the lake there was a silver glow to his skin._

She had watched the two of them from the safety of the depths of the water. She had poured her love into its cool liquid the night before, and was practically drained of all her energy. She saw how the young king cared for her beloved, and highly approved of their friendship-they both needed each other. She agreed with Arthur's words about how she wished that Merlin would move on, but she knew that would never happen. Their love was too deep for it to ever just "vanish".

She was drifting off to sleep, and she felt her energy come back to her slowly. She didn't need to sleep, but it was a way to pass the time. As she felt her strength come back to her before the dawn broke she suddenly "woke up" from her rest. She knew that Merlin would leave today, with a heavy heart, back to Camelot, and she would have to let him go again.

But something stopped her from departing from Merlin this time. Perhaps it was the way that the fading moonlight was shinning on her lover's face. It made him look ethereal-too lovely and haunted for this world. Or maybe it was the fact that he was shivering, and although he was asleep, his hand was groping around in the water as if it was searching for something-or someone-to hold onto. Whatever the reason was, the Lady stopped. And, instead of turning around back to the depths of the lake, she moved soundlessly towards the warlock. She glided through the water, yet remained dry the entire time.

When she reached the shores of the lake, she halted and sat down by Merlin's body. Carefully, as to not wake him up, she reached out and grasped his hand in hers. She softly stroked his weather-beaten palms and hummed a tune her mother used to sing to her when she was little. And so she passed the few remaining hours of the night. The dawn was rising now, but the Lady of the Lake didn't notice for she was fast asleep, sitting up-right with Merlin's hand in hers. She didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until it was too late.

Merlin had woken up to the surprise of his life. He felt his hand being held by the gentlest touch he had ever known-he would've recognized her soft palms anywhere. He kept his eyes closed, fearing it was a dream, before slowly undoing his lids.

There she was before him. She was still wearing Morgana's purple dress that Merlin had managed to salvage for her. Her form was slumped forwards in a sitting position, but her grasp on Merlin's hand was firm. Her hair fell in soft brown waves around her back, and her small body had an aura of power around it that Merlin had never felt before.

Carefully, Merlin sat up, never releasing his hand from hers. He quickly looked around and saw that Arthur was still asleep a few feet away before directing his attention back to _her. _He didn't wish to wake her, but he just had to know. Had to make sure it was really his love returned to him. Thus, ever so slowly, he reached out to grasp her shoulder. It felt solid and warm underneath his fingertips, and he gently shook her awake.

"Wha-?" she looked around sleepily before jerking to attention.

They were sitting across from each other once more, mimicking the first time Merlin had held her hand. Only this time, Freya was sitting partially submerged in the water, while Merlin was still on the rocky shore. Their hands met where the water and land joined.

When her eyes locked with Merlin's steady gaze, she knew she was caught. However, the time for confessing what had happened after she died was for later. The time for discussing what to do now they were together again was for later. The time for wondering if she would ever be able to let him go now that they had reunited was for later. The time for being _just them _was now. Because currently both of their eyes were forming tears of joy from being able to really see the other again. They sat there for what felt like hours, gazing into each other's eyes before slowly, Merlin stood up.

She rose with him, so as to make sure their linked hands would not be broken. They were still gazing into each other's eyes, but the Lady found that she had to tilt her head up to remain doing so. As she lifted her head up, Merlin advanced a step forward into the water.

"I just need to know. Is it really you?" he asked in hushed tones.

"Yes," she barely breathed.

At the sound of her affirmation, though, Merlin's self-restraint could no longer control his actions. Before, the Lady had felt as if Time himself were stopped. But now, as he whooped with joy, Time sped up again as he literally swept her off her feet. Merlin twirled her around and around again, bridal style. They were laughing and sobbing together, now, and goodness knows she could never get enough of his smile, his eyes, his touch.

Gradually, he gently slowed down from spinning her, although he never let her feet touch the water again. Instead, he held her in his arms as they shared a gentle kiss. A kiss which rapidly progressed from being soft to passionate. She had never felt such wonderful bliss before today. The feel of his lips on hers, and his wandering hand which was lost in her tangled dark locks was even lovelier than she remembered. The reunion between them was more than a reunion between two lovers-it was a reunion between two halves of a soul.

Eventually, they had to break apart due to the necessity of air, but Merlin never let her go. She was still in his arms, and he held her there tightly as if he was afraid she would slip through his fingers again. However, it wasn't long before the attraction between them dragged their bodies towards each other once more. And as Merlin leaned down for another kiss, he couldn't help but hover a fraction of an inch over her lips.

"What is it?" she asked, slightly fearful that he would want to spoil their moment by asking her the questions he had to have which were bound to come up at some point.

However, instead he gave a different heartfelt reply than what she expected, "I've just missed you so."

She smiled, pleased that they could just revel in their moment for at least little longer.

"I missed you more than you can ever imagine."

Merlin's eyebrows merely raised before he lowered his face down the infinitesimal space, barely breathing before their lips made contact again, "Oh I highly doubt that, Freya."


End file.
